A Womans Worst Nightmare

Imagine an incredibly handsome guy.

A romantic supper in your favourite restaurant, candlelight.

He is cool, intelligent, rich.

He kisses wonderfully, dances like a God.

All your friends are crazy about him.

Your parents adore him.

In one word. The man of your dreams.

He asks you to marry him, but there is one but.

No sex before marriage.

You, of course agree.

You get the most beautiful wedding dress.

The cake is equally fantastic.

The party is the event of the century.

And then........

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Clever Scam

A word of warning for those of you who may be regular Tesco, Asda or
Waitrose customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever
scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get a few bits and pieces
has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it
couldn't happen to you!

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as
you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start wiping your
windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling
out of their skimpy T-shirts.

It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask
you for a ride to another Tesco or Waitrose. You agree and they get in
the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other.

Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex
on you, while the other one steals your wallet.


I had my wallet stolen on November 14th, 19th, 20th, twice on the 25th,
27th, and 30th. Also December 4th, 11th, 13th, twice on the 17th, three
times just yesterday, and very likely again this coming weekend.

So be careful .

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joke of the week

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home.
I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

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Joke

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?" The shopkeeper's heart melts, he get down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there". The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers...."I don't weally fink my pet pyfon gives a phuk".

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Joke of the week

A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released tonight."